a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
