I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
