you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
