I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
