Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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