She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
