i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
