so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
