Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
