Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
