I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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