i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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