Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
