I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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