Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
