All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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