i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
