I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
