my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
