She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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