You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
