Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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