is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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