i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
