I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My breasts were aching with rage.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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