remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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