there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
