This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
