Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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