It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
