Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
