life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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