I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
