Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
