shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
