i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
