Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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