Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
