I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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