i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
