Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
