I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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