i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
