come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I yelled at your uterus for you.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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