the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
