Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
