He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
