True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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