Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
that's an acceptable place to lick
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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