so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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