If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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