he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
